What is Emotional Abuse?
Abuse has been defined as "to use or treat someone or something wrongly or unfortunately, especially in a way that is to your own advantags". (Cambridge Advanced Learners Dictionary). Emotional abuse, therefore, is being treated wrongfully or badly in relation to your emotions.
Emotional abuse is the most common and most damaging kind of abuse but it is often down played, if you reach out for help, people will often wonder what all the fuss is about. People who have suffered physical or sexual abuse tend to report that it was the emotional abuse that caused the most damage. This is because emotional abuse cuts you to your very core, it wears away at your self-confidence, self-worth and even your trust in yourself.
The scars created by emotional abuse tend to be much deeper and much longer lying then those created by any other kind. The abused person's self-esteem ever becomes so damaged that they see the abuse as their fault and often, they will cling to the person who abuses them and become afraid of losing them and being alone.
Some kinds of emotional abuse include: invalidating either your feelings or experiences, belittling, constant criticism, rejection, isolating / ignoring, constant teasing / joking and degrading. This list is not exhaustive I have listed them purely to give you an idea about how varied emotional abuse can be.
Effects of Emotional Abuse
I have no doubt that every single one of you reading this has seen the effects of emotional abuse without necessarily even realizing that that's what it was.
How many of you have asked someone what's wrong and got the answer "it does not matter"? Who told that person that what they feel does not matter what makes their feelings worth less than anyone else's?
How many of you have met someone who, when asked what they want, refuse to answer even though you know they have a preference? These people have learned that their needs will never be validated, let alone granted, and therefore why express them when it's only going to lead to disappointment?
As a society, when we watch people in physically abusive relationships we wonder why they stay, why they put up with it? Is it really any wonder that they stay when many children are emotionally occupied by their parents (not always intentionally) but as children and teenagers were taught to stay in an abusive relationship. These are the most vulnerable years of our lives and yet were aborted and taught that this is not only ok, but the way it should be. Were told that people act that way with us because they "want what's best for us" and because they love us, even if we realized that this is wrong we have no power to do anything about it. We can not leave, we can not say we're not allowing it because our parents and other authority figures have complete power over us so we accept it as 'normal' as 'right', we begin to believe that we should forgive them, that there's nothing wrong with the abuse. Is it any wonder then why, when abuse occurs as an adult it's accepted. The abuser is forgiven when they say they love us and sometimes, we even believe it when we were told it's our fault
How To Help Yourself
If you're currently being abused find a way to protect yourself, this may mean moving out your home, changing jobs or whatever else it takes to stop (or at least reduce) contact with the abusive person. Find people to talk to, this may mean getting out and joining groups – build a support network around you.
If the abuse is in the past, seeing what you went through as emotional abuse is the biggest step. Emotional abuse is the hardest abuse to name because it's so subtle and so accepted within society. Learn to see that what you went through was abuse and it was the abuser's fault – not your own.
Write a list of positive things about yourself, this may be hard at first but ask those close to you to think of a few things. Keep this list close and read through it every time you need a pick me up and every time you catch yourself criticizing yourself.
Learn to see that the abuse was not your fault and is no reflection on your self-worth. You are worth just as much as anyone else around you, your needs just as important.
Whenever you catch yourself thinking or saying anything negative about yourself write that thought down then cross it out, underneath it write a countering thought. The crucial point here is that the countering thought must be true (although, it may not be something you believe immediately – this process takes time.) For example, if the negative thought is "I always fail", a balanced counter thought would be "Although I have failed at some things in the past, this is normal. There are many things that I have succeeded at and just because I may have failed at some things does not mean that the same thing will occur in the future."
Source by Hayley Daniels-Lake
Latest posts by Sanjay Tatwawadi (see all)
- Importance Of Medicine In Our Daily Lives - August 4, 2018
- Don’t Let Life Happen to You - August 4, 2018
- New Year Resolutions – Your Top Ten Tips For Success - August 4, 2018